Magnetism: The art of attuned desires & spacious invitations

Photographer: Whitney Brewer Photography

From Grabby to Magnetic: Consent, Taking Energy, and the Ease of Self-Trust

Just last week I found myself about to say yes to another date — even though my gut already knew it wasn’t a match. That old voice whispered: “Maybe you’re being too picky… maybe it’ll feel different when you see them again… just go along with it.”

But I caught myself. Instead of overriding my intuition, I paused, listened… and said no.

That simple no felt like freedom. Not because I don’t want love (trust me, I do — I’m practically Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka some days: “I want it nowwwwww!”), but because I’m no longer scrambling to prove myself or convince anyone to choose me. And when I stopped doing that, intimacy started to feel… easy. To me, intimacy means being with— being with myself, noticing what’s arising, and leading from what I know to be true, rather than overriding, performing, or contorting to fit someone else’s expectations.

In the past, my dating life was filled with unconscious "taking energy." I was great at charming, convincing, flirting — I could almost always get someone to say yes. But I wasn’t always asking whether I really wanted them, or whether they really wanted me. I mistook desire for alignment.

I didn’t realize then that I was subtly reaching, pulling, coaxing — energetically leaning in with a kind of urgency that didn’t leave much space for true consent, from them or from me. Even when I was saying yes, I wasn’t always checked in with whether I wanted to say yes.

Inner work changed everything for me… especially somatic exploration and embodiment. I began learning how to stay rooted in my own energy and honor what’s true for me — and that’s what creates ease now. I know how to honor my "no" and respect someone else’s "no" without spiraling into shame or self-doubt. Intimacy feels easy because I’m not scrambling to prove my worth, share too much too soon, or bypass my own boundaries in service of being chosen.

Thankfully this extends beyond just my internal state — it shows up in the words I use too.

One of the most powerful ways I’ve learned to shift from grabby to magnetic, from pressuring to consent-honoring, is through my language.

Here’s what that can sound like in practice — and while we’re talking about this, let’s be clear: taking energy itself isn’t bad! In fact, it can be incredibly sexy when used consciously and consensually (hello, power dynamics and playful dominance). The key is when and how it’s used: taking energy without consent can feel grabby or overwhelming, while conscious invitation creates space for connection.

✅ Taking energy might sound like:

• “Come over tonight. You know you want to.”

• “Why aren’t you texting me back? I thought we had something.”

• “Just say yes — it’ll be fun, I promise.”

• “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

✅ Invitational, consent-honoring language can sound like:

• “Would you feel up for coming over tonight?”

• “I’m really enjoying this connection and would love to hear from you when you’re available.”

• “I’d love to spend time together, and I want you to feel good about it too.”

• “I’m noticing I’m feeling a little anxious — is now a good time to check in?”

💡 As you read these, pause for a moment and notice: what happens in your body?
Do you feel yourself leaning forward or pulling back?
Do you notice tension, urgency, or panic… or ease and openness?
Does the language feel spacious or pressured?

This kind of invitational language doesn’t just apply to dating. I’ve experienced this contrast in coaching spaces too — I once worked with a coach where everything felt urgent: always about making the next sale, always pressure, always a sense that I wasn’t enough unless I acted immediately. That same pushy dynamic can show up in business and sales generally. But the principle holds: relationship-building language invites curiosity and collaboration, while pushy language feels transactional, hierarchical, and can leave people feeling disempowered or unseen. For example:

✅ Pushy sales language might sound like:

• “You should really book a session now.”

• “If you don’t act today, you’re missing out.”

• “Why haven’t you signed up yet?”

✅ Invitational sales language might sound like:

• “If this resonates, I’d love to work together when it feels right for you.”

• “Would you like to explore what a session could look like?”

• “Here’s an invitation if and when it feels aligned.”

💡 Notice again: what happens in your body as you read these examples? Ease? Pressure? Urgency? Spaciousness?

This invitational approach fosters genuine relationship-building, honors autonomy, and allows connection to emerge rather than be forced.

This is the somatic wisdom that can guide you — in dating, relationships, and even in daily conversations. When you begin to feel the difference between grabby energy and open, invitational energy, you begin to honor consent on every level: theirs and your own.

Now when I date, there’s no pressure to “make it work.” I know how to honor what feels good for me and respect where the other person is — and that creates so much freedom. I’m not chasing; I’m inviting.

If you’ve ever felt yourself pushing or proving in dating or in business, know this: the power of self-trust and honoring consent can transform how intimacy feels.

It can actually feel… easy.